Archive-name: Poetry/confess.txt
Archive-author: Kateri/Mary Anne
Archive-title: Confession


Confession

	(You ask what I want.
	I cannot tell you: Catholic upbringing, New England prudery,
	a habit of silence combine to smother the words.
	So write it, you say.)

I want everything, you see.
Men and women
indoors and out
top and bottom and sideways
to come screaming in a deserted forest 
so that the only creatures startled are the deer.  

More than a little bit of an exhibitionist.

Eyes watching
caressing
stripping away the layers
the flimsy chiffon covering of propriety
leaving me gloriously naked to a stranger's fevered gaze.

I tease them shamelessly walking down the street
in cut-off jeans and minimal tank, hair swinging.

I make them wonder as they read my words
stare at the screen
touch themselves

	(wonder if this is me; wonder if it is only a poem).

Riding the power trip
to its heights

	(and I will taste the satanic depths)

tied down so all I can do is strain against the black silk
blindfolded, so I don't know whether you will lick a nipple next
spank me until I'm sore and screaming
begging for more.

I am not quite as brave as I would wish, but if I could

	I would risk getting caught on the quads at night.  
	I would have two men at once, maybe three.  
	I would be fucked until I pass out.  
	I would have sex with someone without knowing whom it is.  
	I would do all the shameful things a good Catholic girl
		should never, ever think of.

And I would tell you about it.

*****
M.A. Mohanraj
July 28, 1993
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